Being Green Can Make You Blue

I recently became aware of eco-anxiety syndrome, and it is making me anxious! This disorder causes everyday seemingly good citizens to panic by thinking they are not doing enough to save the melting polar ice caps. This results in psychological doom in the face of environmental doom. Incandescent light bulbs, disposable diapers, or an SUV often triggers symptoms. Now that I am aware of it, I think I have it.

In a 2010 report from the American Psychological Association Task Force on the Interface between Psychology and Global Climate Change, we learn that the symptoms of “eco-anxiety” are quite similar to those reported by persons living near hazardous waste sites. (Were they looking for an ironic comparison group?) The symptoms experienced in both settings—panic attacks, decreased appetite, irritability, and sleeplessness—result from a stress response to the perceived environmental threat. There now is a new specialty called ecopsychology, and of course, the eco-therapist. Where do I sign up?

I always considered myself an avid recycler, perhaps bordering on the compulsive. I try to reduce,  recycle, and re-use every day. My family humors me  when they see me dig recyclable items out of the trash and put them in the proper bin. However, when I just took the “how green are you?” online quiz, my score read, “You are a middle-of-the-road recycler.” In other words, I am underachieving. My eco-strength is plummeting.

As I ponder my eco-acumen, I recall the panicky feeling I get at the grocery store when I hear “paper or plastic?” Especially true when I’m at the 10-items-or-less checkout counter, and the person is holding my organic cilantro above an open plastic bag, non-verbally expressing, “Sir, don’t be a jerk by asking me to reach for a paper bag.” With waves of eco-guilt, and my preference to not be confrontational, I occasionally acquiesce for the plastic and exit the store in shame. But the bag ante has now been upped; the sneers from other shoppers with their Public Radio reusable shopping bags hurt. There I stand, reusable bag-less. I never remember to bring reusable bags.

Can a person take eco-shopping too far? Yes.

The other day, a lady in front of me in the checkout line—nothing against ladies, it could just as well have been a gentleman—had decided that she was going totally bag-less, in public no less. She was using no paper, no plastic, and no reusable tote. She methodically set her eight potatoes, six white onions, and heaps of dripping wet organic green matter on the checkout counter. The clerk had to corral the round items lest they go careening down the moving conveyor belt. The clerk struggled to be patient as she pulled out paper towels to mop up after the wet greens. Then each individual spud and sprig was transferred back to the cart, one-by-one in slow motion. Was this lady being green? Eco-conscious? Maybe not. Six paper towels were sacrificed, excess electricity was used to turn the conveyor belt on and off, and the three of us waiting in line sighed enough to increase greenhouse gasses. We also suffered pain and blood loss from biting our tongues.

I vow to be greener. The new motto is you are green or you are gauche. Actually, I just made that up, but it could be a motto.

However, attempting extreme greenness could take a toll on me. Light bulbs for example…do I choose CFLs, which use less energy but contain mercury? I have to choose between killing kilowatts or killing ground water. Did that pound of coffee beans I just bought kill a rainforest?  Is my dish soap causing baby frogs to sprout extra appendages? Is my carbon footprint Shaquille O’Neal sized or Mickey Rooney sized? Do I recycle? Precycle? Ride a cycle? Hurl a Hummer?

One eco-therapist said that environmental activism might help counteract our eco-anxiety. “But if we get end up trying to save the world all at  once, we’re going to burn out.”

It looks like the future is very bright for eco-therapists. Then again, we could step back and conserve our greenback dollars by skipping the eco-therapist and following the sage advice from two great thinkers. First, Kermit the Frog said it best: “it’s not easy being green.” Or take these wise words from the late George Carlin. “Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.”

And if others cause me eco-stress by out greening me, I will remind them that in the end I am totally green. As a matter of fact, I am biodegradable. Just wrap me up in a re-usable tote bag. Wait, you can’t skip the bag.